I’ve been laying here since 530 am with my middle asleep on me just listening to the sounds of his breathing and relishing the way his little head tucks under my chin and the contentment we both feel. My oldest is next to us gently stroking his brother’s head. This is not the norm. Usually we are rushing, or fighting, or debating, or bargaining, never this. The baby is asleep trying out the crib in the next room and I listen to her shift over the monitor and hate that she is so far away despite the fact she would only sleep on top of me all night.
When I was little I’d wake up in the morning and crawl into bed with my mom. She’d play a game With me. ‘Draw a letter on my back and ill guess what it is.’ i loved it. I never understood it was her way of a few more moments of rest and a back rub. I wouldn’t have cared. There is something so deeply comforting about your mom. Sometimes in the rush of the day and three kids crawling on me, with the little one taking up permanent residence in my arms, that I forget why. I’m their Mom and sometimes you just want your mom.
In the past month my sister and now one of my best friends had their first babies. They’re moms now. They will be their babies’ comfort, happiness, food, life-giver, tear wiper, butt wiper, shoulder to sleep on. It is huge. These little lives we hold are so huge. This responsibility can feel so overwhelming. We are moms we make mistakes (my mom didn’t make many she set the bar high). But our kids forgive and forget because there is nothing better when you have a nightmare and your mom is there, or when you skin your knee, or get your heart broken than to lay your head in your mom’s lap.
So welcome to this Mom world Christina and Kristen. It is scary, it is overwhelming. You will cry, you will feel frustration. But these little moments with their head on you, with their sleepy smile, make it great, make it indescribable. You will both be great. Now back to my cuddles.