5:23 am: shrieking heard over the baby monitor. ‘Mooooooommmmmmmyyyyyy’ crap, I fumble for my phone. Yup it’s early and still dark. I look for my glasses and start swinging my legs and grabbing onto my husband to gain enough momentum to get my gigantic pregnant body up. The grabbing doesn’t wake him as I had hoped, guess I better get up. I run to my boys’ bedroom hoping I can grab the little one before he wakes his brother.
5:25 am: it’s too late. ‘Mommy did I sleep all through the night?’ Technically yes, but it’s still dark. I mumble something that resembles ‘sure honey’ and we all trek downstairs.
5:29 am: I search the entire downstairs for the tv remote. Yes! Found it only took 5 minutes. I turn on something that will (I hope) appease them both. And settle onto the couch to try and rest my eyes for 5 more minutes.
5:31 am: ‘mommy I want a cereal bar and an orange and milk’ the oldest demands. I get up to get it thinking that feeding my kids is probably a priority. I ask the two year old if he wants something and he immediately throws his body to the floor in a full out tantrum. I guess he doesn’t like being asked questions today. I make a mental note of that.
5:36 am: I’m back on the couch it’s, too early for any sense of motivation. I sit down and mentally start to ponder at what age it’s appropriate to allow them to come downstairs themselves and get food and I won’t be reported to the authorities. 5? 6? Hmmm not soon enough.
5:37 am: I’m awaken from my daydream of sleeping until 6 am by the two year old screaming for milk, no not milk, no juice. I grab whatever I think will keep him happy and some food. I pat myself on the back, both kids are fed.
5:37-7:15 am: The next couple of hours or so are a blur of tantrums (mine) and a few seconds of peace.
7:15 am: ohmygodits7:15!!!!!!! ‘Marrrkkkk’ I call upstairs to wake my husband. I grab some school clothes for my oldest fight with him for ten minutes about why he needs to change for school. ‘Marrrrrkkkk you’re going to be late!!’ Throw together a school snack for the 3 year old, some coffee and a half decent lunch for the husband, practically a bonafide housewife I think.
7:29 am: Husband emerges looking refreshed and put together, I look down at my booger stained leggings and maternity t-shirt that stopped fitting over my belly months ago. My pregnancy rage builds and I decide to take it out on him and his snoring. We bicker until we notice the bus is in front of our house waiting, crap hope they didn’t hear us. We sprint out of those house smiling in case they heard my tirade against my husband about his ‘purposeful’ snoring designed to keep me from sleeping.
8:00 am: Husband is gone, oldest is gone, youngest is entertained for now. I attempt to pick up which is mostly pushing things around with my feet since bending over has been out of the question for weeks now. I do enough laundry for us to make it through another day. Bam, domestic goddess.
9:00 am: To shower or not to shower. If I shower that means putting on clean clothes, which equals more laundry. Looking at my booger-leggings I think they’ll last another day at least. Deodorant and new shirt it is, this is as good as it gets.
9:21 am-1:30pm: A whole lot of diaper changing, nose wiping, and breaking up fights occurs during these pre-nap hours. My oldest is home. I throw something together for lunch really missing the whole nutrition aspect, thank god for vitamins.
1:31 pm: Glorious nap time for the youngest. The oldest gave up naps months ago so we’ve resorted to quiet time aka ‘here take this iPad and watch something so mommy can binge eat and watch real housewives.’
2:43 pm: Youngest is up and I’m now in a food coma.
2:55 pm: Seeking adult interaction, I bring the kids outside for the possibility a neighbor will take pity on me and small talk about the spring weather.
3:30 pm: Husband should be home soon! I’ve forgiven him for attempting to drive me insane through snoring. Oh crap it’s Wednesday he has class looks like it’s me and the boys for the night.
3:30-5:30 pm: We play outside which mostly consists over fighting over a half deflated ball. Makes sense we only have 8 other perfectly inflated balls.
5:30 pm: Forgot to plan dinner again hmmm… ‘Breakfast for dinner guys, special treat!!!’ The special treat routine works perfectly, despite the special treat happening on a bi-weekly basis.
6:45 pm: I decide the kids need a bath it’s been errrrr…3 days? Maybe 4…it can’t be 5? Crap it’s been 5 days. ‘Bath time boys!!’
6:54 pm: Boys are ready for their bath but I’ve forgotten my gigantic belly isn’t conducive for bending over a tub washing them, extra soap into the water it is!
7:33 pm: Boys are bathed, changed, and read too. My youngest requests ‘sunshine’ to sing in the sweetest voice. I smile as they both cuddle into me to sing and suddenly I can’t wait for our third to be here.
Gigantic belly equipped with random stains.