It’s official. I’m tired. The tired that sleep cannot fix. Between an active 3 year who seems to thrive on little sleep, a two year old who has become one of those ‘spirited’ kids I’ve heard so much about, and my 9 month pregnant body, I’ve just about lost all hope of functioning. It’s gotten so bad that I’m praying for an early delivery because at least after the momentous task of delivering a baby into this world I can lay in bed and people will bring me food (big dreams people!)
A main factor into this level of tired is my ‘spirited’ child. I put the word spirited in quotes because I’m pretty sure someone came up with that term because life-draining asshole sounded too harsh. Let’s call a spade a spade. I have witnessed many a ‘spirited’ child in my day, in fact many of the second born children in my family fit this term. (What IS it about those second borns.) However, until the last couple of weeks I was blessed not to know it first hand. Here is a list I have compiled of factors that may make your kid a life-draining assh…’Spirited’:
– They are on the go from sun up to sun down. Most likely before sun up and most likely they wake up demanding something in a high pitched scream while climbing out of their crib.
– They resemble a girl going through puberty. ‘I want this noooow.’ You give them demanded object which is then accompanied by another high-pitched scream ‘no I wanted this!!!’ This can go on from several minutes to an hour. You never will find out what it is they wanted.
– Everything is an issue. From getting into the car seat to picking out a yogurt they want. Do not expect this to be a ten second task. This will be at least a 10 minute ordeal that ends in tears…for both of you.
– They insist on doing everything on their own and when they can’t do it scream at you to help and then scream when you do help. I haven’t figured out the best way to approach this besides close my eyes and dream of the day this pregnant mama can have a big glass of vodka. Wine does not suffice for the spirited child.
– They’re adorable. There can not be an honest to goodness ‘spirited’ ugly child. God doesn’t allow it because we’d have moms everywhere running off to the nearest dive bar every night to drown their sorrows in that vodka they’ve been dreaming about.
So like I said I’m tired. I’ve offered nothing in the way of advice for dealing with your so-called ‘spirited’ child because, well, I have none. The best we can do is take deep breaths in the midst of the chaos, convince ourselves it’s just a phase, and know we’re not alone.
The spirited child wears underwear his own way. Who has the energy left to argue?